So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I won the penis lottery.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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