girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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