Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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