my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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