I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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