I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
