just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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