So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
