Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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