The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
