Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
