Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants are for mortals
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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