Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
