Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
