i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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