Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
