dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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