I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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