i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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