You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
