I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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