He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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