Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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