I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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