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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

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• (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"

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• (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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  21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.

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• (+33): View more from France

  Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.

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  23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now

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• (714): View more from California

  She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.

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