I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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