I can text with my tongue
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".