Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
