I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs