but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.