i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year