There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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