Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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