this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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