omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
