I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
