carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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