I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
