i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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