if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
