If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i love accidental penises.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
MIDGETS
????
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
