Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
