I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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