I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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