I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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