you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
