Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
