Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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