i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
