he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
