Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
