He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
