No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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