They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
