we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
