white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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