bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
