if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
