remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
