worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
