OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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