dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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