Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
