Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
