He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
