I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Rumble strips road head = magical
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
