I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
