Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
