I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
