Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
God I need to hump something, right now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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