the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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