Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
