I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
