I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
