I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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