she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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