So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
