Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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