dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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