Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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